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!: cloud strife

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[Cloud hoped so much that he wouldn’t have to make this post one day. It was one of his greatest fears here. Sephiroth, he had a lot of complicated feelings about which were even worse when he disappeared. Aerith, however, was someone who was always there for him, even when he resisted, was able to pull him out of his shell, teased him, was kind to him, and now....

He is so glad he can type this message out.]

To those of you who knew them, Aerith Gainsborough and Sephiroth have gone, maybe back to their homes. Either way, they won’t be around for a while.

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Cloud, I'm sorry they've left. Are you okay?

I’m fine. Stuff like this happens all the time.[In other words, no.]

[ x doubt ]

Can I see you?

[But!!!]

Now?

Yes, now. It's important.

[Wait is that true? Is it important in “I have a problem” important or “We need to cheer Cloud up” important?

Although he can’t rule out the former so he finds himself saying.] Just give me ten minutes.

Okay. I'll be at--

[ Insert some location here. ]

Oh dear. Those were your friends from your world, right? I'd never really met them but I'm so sorry to hear they've left.

How are you holding up? Would you care for some company? Maybe a drink? [That may sound a little flippant, especially over text, but she offers it with the utmost sincerity. Alcohol is the Official Victorian Way to handle life’s problems, after all.]

Fine. [And some minutes later, he arrives at said location, trying to look like everything is fine!!! He is being his usual self. While darting his eyes to the side anxiously.

Needless to say it’s not working.]

Edited 2021-10-29 15:08 (UTC)

[ He doesn't look fine at all, as if he hasn't gotten any sleep. She knows she wouldn't, if her loved ones left. Loss is something with which she can empathize.

But with all of these losses lately, it seems like no one may be able to tell who might vanish next. It could be her. It could be Cloud. And she wants to let him know that she's sorry, so very sorry for him, that he's lost two of those he's known of his world.

As soon as Cloud's closer, Pyra steps forward quickly-- then, it'll be her arms around him for a hug. ]

I'm sorry they're gone, Cloud. [ Her voice is gentle in its sorrow. ] And... I'm so glad you're still here.

[Well, with Sephiroth it was complicated but in a way maybe they were friends, which would have never happened if the other Sephiroth was here.]

A drink? [He is still a little wary of her although to be fair she has never pushed him for info or gossip after meeting him in prison. Or written weird articles after that event months ago.]

If it's any consideration, I left and came back.

[ He's learned of Gladio and Tony leaving too so he knows the pain. ]

[Huh? Wasn't that the guy who-]

Wait I know you. When did you show up?

This time? Just yesterday.

Last time, almost a year ago.

Yes, a drink! A libation! Some spirits to raise your spirits! [She’s trying to brighten the mood with dumb little jokes now.]

I'm partial to wine and have come into possession of several bottles during my time here, but I'm sure I can find something else if that's not to your tastes.

[Cloud has been trying to prepare something in his head to convince Pyra that he doesn’t need hugging. That he’s been doing okay. But when she begins to hug him, he starts to panic.] N-no, it’s not that bad! I can-

[However, the warmth of her hug and her words. She knew he wouldn’t be okay.]

I can....[And his arms drop, his voice sounding hoarse and miserable.] Damn it......What the fuck am I gonna do now?

[Wait she wants to cheer him up? Immediately, he goes on the defence,]

I’m okay. I don’t need my spirits lifting. People here disappear all the time. [Look how tough I am!!!!]

[Wait.....so it’s been that long. And he remembers his first visit here too. Which might mean...he might be careful wording this.]

Right. Hope you don’t mind me asking but did you go home during that time?

I was told that I was gone for two months, time didn't pass by for me back home, it's almost as if I never left.

[ He's still confused over that one, but as long as he kept his memories this go around, he doesn't mind. ]

So you don’t remember what happened during those two months? Looks like that happened to a few people.

[Which means if there was something sinister going on behind what happened to those who disappear, they don’t remember anything if they return. At least this was the case with this guy. Tifa and Aerith too.]

[Ah, there we go. She had sort of anticipated this. It’s alright, though. She can be patient, Mr. Tough Guy.]

Just because it happens all the time doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be upset about it, especially when it happens to you.

I'm not upset. [Yes he is.]

[Alright, if he's gonna play it this way...]

Really? Well, why not? They were your friends, weren't they? I only had someone from my world here for about a month's time and she wasn't even someone I knew, but I still miss her even now.

I don't think you're truly so cold-hearted.

[ oh. Mina isn't good at sadness; she is a happy sort of person. But she like Aerith, she was so kind, and naturally that upsets her a bit. ]

it really sucks...
i hope they will be alright back in their world

I'm afraid not, sorry.

If you want to get technical, this is my third time back, but I have no memories of that first time. I come to believe that was a different version of myself.

[ Especially after what he's learned about the voidtrain. ]

[ While she doesn't know the true extent of their relationships, she will gladly assume on the side of caution that they did mean something to him, even if their bonds were rooted in something complex... and something she could never understand, now that they're gone.

But she wants to understand, she wants to be there for Cloud, and if it'll help him-- she wants him to mourn their loss, as is healthy. She allows his question to hang within the air between them. The tremulousness of his voice making him sound vulnerable in ways she thought he could never be. Her hand runs up his back, supportive-- wanting him to know he's supported. ]

You... take a breath, Cloud. Take one breath, for one second. Take another, for the next. Can you do that?

Maybe.

[Wait....that might be a shitty thing to say. So he adds something else.]

Probably. We don't know how this world works with all the timeline shit.

[ no, that wasn't nice at all, gosh!!!! Mina got worried, in fact ]

you mean we remember this place after we go home?

[Ugh. He has to admit but she has a point.] You can’t survive here if you get dragged down by every disappearance, even if it’s someone you know.

[It suddenly occurs to him that he might have come across as a massive dick saying this. So he soon adds:] Sorry.

[No memories......a different version. It's something that he talked about once. Not to mention when Aerith returned, she didn't seem to remember him. It's still something he's trying to process.]

So it might be another you. I've heard about something like that before. Still haven't figured out how it happens. Then again, I doubt anyone here has.

That's not what I was trying to say.

[Okay, how can he explain this without making her worry about something he himself isn't even sure of? Considering he's made the mistake of putting 'maybe'.]

What I meant is that some of us apparently go home. Then again, some of us do come back and don't remember going home. [He might not mention the research and experiment suspicion for now. Not until he finds out more to rule that out. That and outing himself on the network as one of the people who broke into the tower a few months ago might cause a few problems.]

[Instead of making any further protests that there is nothing wrong, he obeys her, taking slow, shaky breaths.

Lup was right. He really isn't okay. First it was Tifa. And Aerith before she came back. Then Tifa again. And also Zack. Twice. And Tony and the others. And now....

And if they haven't gone home, that could mean....

He continues to breathe as steadily as he can, with limited success as Pyra tries to soothe him.

If his worst fears are true then does that mean he's failed? Again?]

[ Pyra works him through a few more exercises, breathing with him and coaching him, moving her hand from his back to his chest, providing a physical feedback-- a point of focus-- of how his lungs expand and collapse with each breath. She'll do this until he's able to retain a steadier pattern, all the while speaking to him softly:

You're here, she says. I'm here, she also says. He's here and he's safe, and you're not alone.

Pyra looks up at him, her eyes shining with understanding. The knife of loss and loneliness hurts like no other. Still, she manages a smile for him, soft and pleading, as if she could get him to say something, anything, because she cannot read his mind. ]

Cloud?

[Her words soothe him a little and when she calls out to him, his breathing is much calmer. However, as she looks at him, she will see not a soldier with an unreadable expression but a young man who looks unsure, upset, miserable.

He glances down, feeling ashamed of his outburst.]......'sorry.

and some of us pass out and get memories from home, that happened to me.
i dunno a lot happens differently with different ppl

actually
do we know for sure we go back home?

[ She shakes her head, offering him a small smile. ] Don't be.

[ She whispers this to him as gently as she can, her hands moving to be at his upper arms, as if she could support him. Her own eyes are misting with the grief she feels for him, wishing for nothing more in the moment that he will still have hope and find peace. There are others here, there are others who can help him. There are others who appreciate him still being here, too. ]

What's here-... [ One of those hands lifts, and she uses her palm to lightly tap against his chest, right over his heart. ] --is important, too. Okay?

......Huh? [Her palm tapping lightly at his chest causes him to look up, puzzled.]

What do you mean? [Someone isn't always the sharpest knife in the drawer.]

[ Meeting his gaze, she sees that he truly doesn't understand her meaning. It would be amusing, if it weren't for how sad it is. ]

What's inside you, Cloud. [ She explains, her tone gentle. ] Your heart, and what you feel.

[ She worries her bottom lip for a moment. To say that she's hesitant would be an understatement. Cloud strikes her as a proud man, and she doesn't wish to insult him, or worse-- have him think that she's pitying him. She's not. He worry and concern come from a place of fondness, of wanting better for him and to be happy. ] It's okay to feel what you feel.

.....Oh. [He looks a little embarrassed. Maybe he should have realised that.

A part of him of him still wants to deny what she said and assure her that it's not so bad but he knows there would be no point. He's already let his guard down. Pyra wouldn't be fooled.

And for some reason, he finds himself saying, or rather mumbling.]......Dunno. S'not as if it'll bring everyone back.

Edited 2021-11-27 18:01 (UTC)

[So she got memories from back home, huh? Interesting. Pyra also had a theory that people didn't so much come here but their souls came into different bodies.]

Not sure. There are lots of different theories about but no definite proof yet. Some of us have tried to find out though.

[Including him going into the tower and stealing data but he has to tread carefully with that one.]

[ She pulls away from the embrace just enough that she may look up at him. Meeting his gaze in a meaningful way, she gives him a bittersweet smile. ]

Mourning may not bring anyone back... But it allows you to express what you felt for them.

That's worth something in the moment, Cloud. [ She emphasizes her words with a pat upon his shoulder. ] I believe it's worth something. You're not weak to express it.

Has anyone found anything useful at all?

[Not weak, huh? Cloud looks at her, uneasy and full of doubt.]

I....dunno about that. [She's not the first person who has said this to him. Aerith suggested it too. So did Tony. And after that misadventure with Lup, something has been nagging in his mind that he finds himself saying out loud.] I.....don't think I'm the man I thought I was.

[He gasps, realising his mistake.] Um....n-never mind.

[ She pulls away more-- but still remains in contact, taking his hand in hers. ]

I don't know what you mean by that but...

[ She offers him a small, tentative smile. ] I want to know, and I want to listen.

[ She cannot offer him a solution to whatever he faces, but she can offer him a willing ear, hugs, maybe hot chocolate if he needs it, anything to soothe what she perceives to be a soul that aches. ]

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Private; you can't escape me, Em

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