01. Primus | Video

[5thchild]

[Kaworu comes to the screen with a kind and gentle smile. There is no reason for video, but he likes to look at people ]

Hello. I understand that people can not choose to return to their original worlds on their own, so I'm assuming I will be here for a while. Therefor I'm looking for a piano or a violin. I'm not sure where I can find one; not to buy - I simply wish to play.

[and now that is out of the way, what truly matters is:]

I have a question, for those who wish to answer it. Are you happy?

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[video]

[pinkmin]

[His appearance took her by surprise. While she knew on a fundamental level that white hair and red eyes did not always mean something deeper than their appearance, the fact that she used to have that combination made her look a bit longer at the video.

So here she was, the tiny face of a child that had no real discerning expression on her face and spoke in the softest of voices.]

How would you define happiness?

[video]

[5thchild]

[ and Kaworu will just smile]

Such depends on your truth.

Life is what you decide you want it to be and that is your truth. If you believe one thing to be happiness, it is your happiness. If you believe one thing to be painful, it is painful. [ kaworu tilts his head gently ] Therefor, you define happiness yourself.

[pinkmin]

[This conversation was already enough to tell her that he being a pikmin was probably unlikely-- most (most!) of them were much simpler. Happiness would have been as straightforward as existence.

She tilt her head a bit in the same direction, a stoic mirror.]

... Then how would you define happiness? Do you have a truth?

[5thchild]

I do. My truth is love.

I will do every I can for one person, for I love him. I exist for him and so does my happiness. His existence in itself brings me tremendous joy, therefor I am very happy.

[pinkmin]

[There were a few quiet moments as Vianca considered this answer carefully.]

Is it alright to put that kind of pressure on a person?

[5thchild]

[ it is. It was also very unfair to ask said person to kill him. But kaworu does not see it that way]

I am unimportant and do not matter. Therefor, reciprocation is unnecessary nor needed. My feelings for him will always exist regardless.

[pinkmin]

[Oh. Hearing that spoken so plainly by someone that was not herself hit differently. It made her go quiet again, and quieter still.]

That seems too painful to be happiness.

[5thchild]

Not at all. [ Kaworu smiles wide]

I love him with all my existence and me being allowed to meet him and be with him,if only for a second, is more than I can ask for. I am satisfied with this role, and as long he is able to achieve happiness, that is all I need.

I am so glad he was able to find it here. [ and Kaworu needs nothing else. He has nothing else in his life but that.]

[pinkmin]

[They were here? In a space that could watch these conversations? Oh no. Vianca felt a tremendous amount of something over that.]

That really is a lot of pressure...!

[5thchild]

[ nothing of what he said is a lie]

Why do you think so?

[pinkmin]

... Isn't it?

[Her own brand of "I have no importance" had veered strongly in the direction of never wanting people to feel like they had to waste time on her and that it'd be fine if she simply functioned as a ghost in their lives. This kind was. Different? It felt different. She really wasn't savvy enough to really explain the heavy feeling in a way anyone could understand, let alone herself.]

If someone's happiness depended on my own... [Well, that would end poorly for one.] That seems very intimidating.

[5thchild]

As I said, I do not matter. Therefor there is no pressure to be felt. [ Kaworu smiles, tilting his head to the side]

He is capable of finding happiness and to live in the world, and when such happens my role comes to an end. It's something to be glad for.

[pinkmin]

Um.

[She paused, considering a moment if she was going to cross a line.]

Are these all decisions you have made on your own?

[5thchild]

Yes. The thought of seeing him suffer outweighs every thing else, therefor I wish to make him happy. [ this was his first big act of individuality, but kaworu does not talk about that because he is stubborn about not being an individual as well]

[pinkmin]

Does calling yourself unimportant make him happy?

[5thchild]

His happiness exists without my existence. [ Kaworu will exist in every cycle where shinji isn't happy for he needs to see and feel love. But he believes when the time comes and shinji finally feels happiness, that he will cease to exist for his role will be done.

Ultimately, he is not meant to be with Shinji. ]

[pinkmin]

I didn't ask that.

[She tilt her head.] When I tell people I am unimportant, they are not happy. Does it make him happy to hear it from you?

[5thchild]

I don't know, I haven't told him that.

[ but much more importantly:] You believe you are not important? How come?

[pinkmin]

Until you know, you shouldn't make those decisions for him.

Because I was not. But I am trying to learn.

[5thchild]

Which decisions do you mean?

[ hm, curious ] Are you trying to learn your importance?

[pinkmin]

[She paused again before shaking her head.]

I am not important because I do not fill a role, but I am not unimportant either. I am learning that it is different.

If you are their friend, then you are probably important to them. That means you are not unimportant.

[5thchild]

How is it different? And has it been hard to learn?

[ ah, that - ] I don't think I fit the role of friend. [ honestly? Kaworu would not call himself Shinji's friend at all. Because that requires reciprocation and Kaworu doesn't... really need that. ]