hugtopia | [video]

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The last several jolts of Vianca's consciousness had not been what anyone could call pleasant. The last thing she had remembered about Havenwell was the warmth of morning sunshine. Then that sunshine had lost its warmth, its departure bringing weak stutters of breath and the crumbled remains of a place that had once been her whole world. The sunlight was still there, filtering in through the broken ceilings and crushed walls. Oh, she had thought as she laid there, a dream. A very nice one. It was a shame she couldn't hold on to it in the end.

Then there was nothing.

So when she opened her eyes in a sunlit temple a second time, she was not sure what to do. She stayed right there for a very long time, until one of the kind priests helped her to her feet so she could find her way. It... had been cold, the last time she had been outside? She thought so anyway, but the more she thought about it, the more she wasn't sure. Maybe it had been warm the whole time?

She had only gotten so far through the temple before she had to crouch down in a corner, because things were a little too overwhelming. Thinking about what the season meant was too much. Starting over was too much. What if it was just her all over again? That, more than anything, was far too much.

It took a very long time, but eventually Vianca slowly picked up the tablet that had been handed to her. Whether it was the same one she'd had or a new one, she didn't have the courage to check. The focus was simply on opening the network and keeping her breath steady.

---

[It was a little bit dark there in the corner of Ohma's temple, but it was still possible to see the pink little girl on the screen. Her mouth was pressed in a thin, worried line, and for a moment it might have seemed like the video frame was actually frozen.

Then she took a breath, and spoke in a spectacularly tiny voice into the screen.]

... Hello?

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[ It takes a moment, for him to sniff and then nuzzle closer to Grant The Permission, while Honerva finishes her approach. ]

Here you are. Are you hungry at all?

[ All of these questions, Vianca. ]

[Good. Succumb to pets, Kova. Vianca glanced higher up at Honerva and the continuation of The Questions, giving a little shake of her head. Now that she was out on the steps, she was starting to get some sunshine. And besides that:]

Tamaki brought a snack when he visited. I am okay.

[But if Honerva had also brought a snack, there would be no way for Vianca to say no.]

[ Honerva had indeed brought a snack. It might be a familiar one; cookies that just happened to be ready to go when she'd prepared to go meet Vianca in the first place.

But this was news. She'd been visited and was still hanging around this place? ]

Then you might consider it something for later... as long as you don't wait too long, of course. Has... no one come to take you to your house yet?

[ Sorry, she's feeling a little peak Motherly here and doesn't know what to do about it. ]

[Cookies. It seemed a little strange to her to miss something like them, when for her there had barely been enough time to miss anything at all. And yet this was just one of many things she was feeling that familiar ache for anyway. Perhaps it was just the possibility of a forever without people she loved or things as simple as a cookie.]

Thank you.

[But also: hm. Housing. Yes. Vianca tilt her head slightly as she pet Kova, considering.]

No one has to do that?

Then... had you been on your own?

[ If that's the case, it might make sense as to why she's hanging around the temple. Her shop was cared for, certainly, but if no one knew where else her residence was, anything there might be lost or gathered up by the citizens for safekeeping. ]

My apologies if I am pressing you too much, of course. It just seemed strange to me that you would linger in this area otherwise, unless you were waiting to meet with someone you were already settled with.

[Nod nod.

Being on her own was just the normal thing to be. Even when she was actively in a situation with room mates.... her room mates usually were not around. The transition to being on her own was simple and had simply just been the way of it. Her first trek through Havenwell hadn't changed that either.

But that really wasn't why she was lingering at the temple. Admitting the fear that she would simply disappear once she strode past the temple threshold was too much of one to admit to Honerva comfortably. There was a similar one though that was really just as valid.]

I... am waiting. I want to be sure I remember things.

[She paused.]

... I do not know if the other people that came back did not remember in the first place, or forgot somewhere along the way.

[ She inclines her head in understanding at that, though quiet in contemplation at the weight of it as it is something that does hit her rather too close; memory itself can be such a sensitive thing. When it came to people, or the ties, or memories of others... and knowing those who'd already forgotten such things. ]

Memory... is complicated. But the fact is that you remember now... and you have interacted with others who can verify that. It further means that you aren't going to lose it again so soon. You're not being told of another Vianca's experience or history, you aren't rejecting outright anyone you see or hear from.

[This was all valid, but still.]

I am just not sure if it is me, or if it is Dr. Ohma.

[The only way to be sure would be to leave, but. Well. She wasn't comfy with that thought yet.]

[ She doesn't intend to be forceful, of course; she could understand the fear. So she simply moves to sit down on the steps, mostly so that she'd be on the same level as her. ]

What parts do you find yourself questioning?

[Hello there. If Honerva were close enough in her chosen step, Vianca would go ahead and scoot a little so they could sit together. If her memories were god-related, might as well power up said god.]

I suppose... it is that I do not know if I am holding on to them with my own power?

Or if I have them because we are sitting with the god of knowledge?

[ That is almost too existential, considering their situation. Still, she is quiet, as Vianca scoots herself closer, which is certainly agreeable for Kova to appreciate as well.

There was still certainly too little that they knew about certain things--but it was too much to place upon unknown entities. ]

... When it comes to memories, there are much we do not know, but if you have been returned to this world again with them intact, then I feel it means they have... grown with you. Besides, others have had other alignments, some have slipped away or recieved "other" memories from timelines that seemingly go on. Circumstances... can be unique, and so much is simply circumstantial.

[ But that also is a little too heavy, but it is difficult to not get so deeply logical when so much of her own life is currently because of the bonds and memories she was able to make rather than anything she'd had prior. ]

All that to say... is that you are Vianca and those memories are yours. The world didn't take them from you, a god didn't make them for you. You are present... to continue.

[Vianca listened intently to Honerva's take on it, turning it over quietly in her mind. It was the other versions of people that made her wary, but if she thought of it... Truly this was no different than back home. Plenty of people had come and gone through the academy, some of them returning just as they had left and some of them starting over. Uxie hadn't been there the whole time either. Putting it wholly on one god's shoulders was probably... a bit unfair.]

... I suppose it would be easiest to accept that conclusion. I do not think I can do much for the worry anyway.

It is a lot to question... and can make things quite difficult, too. To consistently be in doubt, and miss the time ahead of us.

[ Said as someone who might know it all too well, but she knows Vianca has to process it in her own way, not just take her word for it. Though perhaps that's her own personal issue of continuing to minimize herself while boosting others. ]

Does remembering... give you any happiness? I am sure there are others here you must have built bonds with. To find... reassurance in.

It does.

[She idly pet Kova a bit more, gently leaning on Honerva a little more as well.]

My old home... worked like this one does, sometimes. [Enough for things to feel familiar, anyway.] People would come and go. A lot of them would come back just fine, but others... they were different. It is hard.

I am glad I don't have to make anyone feel that way.

The place I was in before this one... was similar to that as well.

[ Kova accepts his pets with a gentle purring, and Honerva cautiously brings one of her arms around, waiting to see how Vianca reacts to the hug. ]

But I am very grateful you remember, Vianca.

[Hugs were just fine. Nice, even. Vianca settled in a little more, nodding.]

I am, too.

... Thank you for remembering me as well.

I am certainly grateful for that.

[ The value in remembering and being remembered... in either direction, the sentiment registered strongly for her from her own experiences. She doesn't mind remaining here for as long as needed to, either. To have all that sink in. ]

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