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What do you live for?
[ it's a very simple question. But Kaworu has been asking himself that ever since he was brought back to this world. His own role has been fulfilled and the thing he wanted to happen did, therefor... there is nothing else to him.
And yet he is still here. To live or to die doesn't matter to him, but he has a reason for the later, not for the first. So kaworu does what he does best: he asks other people.
It's also because he is endlessly curious about everyone.
But also! ]
Where may I find a piano?
[ it's a very simple question. But Kaworu has been asking himself that ever since he was brought back to this world. His own role has been fulfilled and the thing he wanted to happen did, therefor... there is nothing else to him.
And yet he is still here. To live or to die doesn't matter to him, but he has a reason for the later, not for the first. So kaworu does what he does best: he asks other people.
It's also because he is endlessly curious about everyone.
But also! ]
Where may I find a piano?
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I understand you don't think you have any sort of purpose, but, is there anything you find worthwhile?
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there is nothing else in my existence.
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Yet, you exist now.
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I fail to understand what for. And I fail to see if I have a new purpose, too.
I have always known what was expected of me, but that isn't clear in this place.
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Do you plan to find some new thing?
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During my last time here I simply waited to be sent back.
However, this time, I was asked to be here by the person I love. [ and... that made him happy. But kaworu still isn't sure what he should be doing while he is here ]
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[Cue delight.]
Well, that's wonderful!
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Honestly, this is the first time Kaworu ever felt wanted. Not in a sense that he must complete his role and that's why he is wanted, but in the sense that someone simply wants him.
So he doesn't... fully understand the emotions that came out of it. They are all wonderful, but they are all very new and foreigner ]
Yes.
But I do not know what to do next.
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This person you love, do they love you back?
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That's fine.
But it does matter.
It affects what choices you can make, or what others can say.
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what others can say?
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Ways to connect with you, essentially.
As well as the one you love, for that matter, whether he minds this thing or that.
I'm sure you know humans are social and that we have a lot of unspoken rules that vary amongst ourselves.
Knowing things about people helps us navigate that and connect better.
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I do not see the interest of connecting with me. [ honestly? Most people seem to dislike him, which is fine with him as well] I seem to upset others instead.
[ there is also the whole "I'm an enemy of mankind" thing too, although most don't know about that]
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No one can see that for themselves.
Except for the ones with really big egos, but those are rarer than you'd think.
You've been difficult to connect with.
That can be upsetting.
Telling things to someone you don't connect with can be unsettling, or even dangerous.
We can't tell if you care, and if you were someone who didn't care, you could easily use the information you get to hurt people.
The questions themselves can sometimes cause pain unintentionally.
All that said, that's all the more reason to try and connect.
We can figure out who you are.
At the least, we feel safer, at the best, we might find the connection valuable and maybe even be able to offer something back.
Even if it's not your nature, you did say you lacked a purpose.
It might be worth trying, just to see if it works for you.
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Because ultimately? He isn't a person. He is not an individual. And he doesn't mean this in a self-deprecating way, he means it because that is his nature; angels are not individuals and do not hold individuality. So all of that... just doesn't apply to kaworu like that.
At least he says so, otherwise he will have a full blown-out existential crisis]Lilin always find it difficult to open their hearts to others. The fear of betrayal, the fear of rejection, and ultimately the fear of pain, often causes rejection.
However, I am not one of you. The way my kind connects is not the way you can accept or comprehend. And in turn, connecting with you is difficult, too. The only reason why there is an attempt is due to the human body I carry. [ a human body. As long it's something that lilin can see familiarity in, they will connect with it. But ultimately leads to misunderstanding: humans will see Kaworu as human, and expect humanity of him, even thought he doesn't have it. ]
I love you, I have died for you, and I will accept doing so every cycle of rebirth. But It's not possible for me to be you. [ He can't be human and connect like a human. ]
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Good luck with that Kaworu.]Don't misunderstand.
I know you're not human.
I won't ask you to be one.
But when you ask us things, you try to connect, whether you know it or not.
We've got to meet halfway.
When you let us understand you or relate to you, It's easier for us.
And likewise, we can better see the parts of you that aren't human.
I don't want you to be me.
I also don't want you to die for me, let alone gladly, and I cannot accept the love of someone who does not know me.
But because I want to understand you, I'm not going to get mad at you for saying so now, because I know this is important to you.
I'm trying to meet you halfway in my own way.
Does that make sense?
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He isn't entirely sure he understands, though. Because in the way of everything there will always be this thing called individuality that Kaworu has a real hard time seeing. But if Hector says he wants to try, Kaworu will also do the same. Reciprocation, right? ]
Alright. If that is something you wish, we can meet each other halfway.
I would like that.
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I'm Héctor, by the way. Since I never properly introduced myself. Is there something you prefer to be called?
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It's nice to meet you, Héctor.