hugtopia | text

"You aren't taking it from me," she tells him. Her voice is quiet and wavers, but does not break. "I'm giving it to you."

She had let him borrow it before while they were together, but never like this. Godsdamnit. He wasn't going to let her hurt herself like this.

"I can't accept it." His voice is steadier, surprisingly. "I meant a trinket, Era. Just a small anything affected by his magicks... not this. Not something you can't spare."

"I—" Her breath catches. "For you, it's something I can spare."

Though she does try to think of anything that might work as substitute. Something better suited to him.

"It would only bring me pain to know you didn't have it." Ardbert's voice is gentle. "I just need something. Not your most precious item. Anything he's made, no matter how mundane. Just so long as it can fit into a pocket or be worn. I'm not picky."

He's not crying anymore due to the short burst of adrenaline that went through him and sent his heart rate up.

"His clothes were almost entirely of his own creation... You are welcome to them," she offers after a long moment. "And the plush I made you used one of his robes."

Ardbert lets go of her arm and shifts his head so he can look at her. He fishes fish the pendant out and press it back into her hand, or at least tries. He's thoughtful.

"The plush has been a godssend." Especially when Era wouldn't touch him. "And I do wear his clothes at times... but I was thinking something small like this. Something that could be made into a pendant like you did with this auracite."

Era refuses to take it back, pushing his hand gently away. "Keep it for today." It isn't a request. "I will... think of an alternative for you."

Ardbert acquiesces at that, letting out a bit of a sigh. "For today."

It's a moment before he speaks again. " ... will you put it around my neck?"

She doesn't verbalize her answer, but the way she relents and takes the pendant back from his hand is answer enough. When she holds up each end of the chain, preparing to place it around his neck, it's evident there is no clasp.

It takes more aether to fuse it back together than it did to separate, but Era manages it in one fluid motion—hands snaking around to the nape of his neck, forearms resting on his shoulders as she secures her most precious keepsake around the neck of her most precious person.

Ardbert slowly makes himself relax after she takes the necklace. He's known there hasn't been a clasp for forever. Era likely used aether to split the chain apart, and when he closes his eyes and focuses on sensing, he indeed can tell she's using aether to fuse and unfuse the chain.

When the aether fades, he opens his eyes with her so near to him. Ardbert slips both arms around her again properly. He's grateful for the weight on his lap as he smiles quietly down to her.

"Thank you, Era." He kisses the scales on the bridge of her nose. "But remember you don't need to invalidate your feelings to validate the feelings of others, all right?"

Her nose scrunches up in reflex at the kiss despite how she leans into it, a small smile tugging at her lips. The smile quickly fades at his words, brows knitting together as her expression shifts to confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Giving me his auracite without thinking about how it would hurt you," Ardbert replies gently, keeping one arm around her while his other hand starts to stroke down her tail. "Hurting yourself for my sake will only hurt me in turn."

He sighs, looking into her eyes with a softened gaze. "I'm still overly reliant on you, still adjusting to life. Give too much to me, and I'll only start loathing myself. You give just the right amount now that I don't even have to worry about falling over the rocky precipice. But there have been times I have dangled just off that cliff, only holding on by broken and bleeding fingers. Sometimes you've pulled me back from falling, and other times, I've pulled myself back up. But taking something like Hades's auracite from you forever would crumble the rock beneath me, and I'd fall into that pit without any way of climbing back out."

He breaks his gaze, looking down and to the side. "I felt that way the entire time I was on the Source. The over a hundred years I was a shade, cursed to do naught but drift. But even though my heart hurts now, I'm at peace with myself—and I never want to loathe myself for hurting those I love ever again. All right?"

Era listens carefully, though it's clear she still doesn't fully understand. Her own pain has never factored into the actions she does for others.

"But you needed a comfort and I had one to give," she says. "It isn't taking from me if I'm giving it to you. Whatever eases your pain is my honour to give."

He looks up to her again, his eyes haunted by something that makes him suddenly seem so tired. "Era... do you remember what I was like when we first met? Can you describe it?"

"...You broke through Ravana's parry like it was glass."

It was both incredibly infuriating and amazingly attractive, and Era knows this is not at all what Ardbert is referring to, but it's always what comes to mind when recalling their first meeting.

Ardbert's serious expression falters, and he has to fight back a smile. "Okay, even I'll admit that was pretty cool. But I meant emotionally."

"Emotionally?"

Gods, it's hard to remember Arbert without her memories of Ardbert taking over and influencing it all. She purses her lips in thought.

"...Resentful, guilty, and desperate."

Edited (icon) 2020-09-01 00:55 (UTC)

"Aye, I was. Because I took everything upon myself. All of the coordination with Elidibus and Urianger, all of the emotional labor, everything. Even though my friends were right there. You saw how miserable it made me, how close I came to breaking."

... and you probably didn't notice, but it hurt my friends deeply, seeing me become like that. They didn't know what to do—I wouldn't let them truly comfort me. Everything just got worse and worse for us. I couldn't be the man they needed me to be, because I could barely keep myself together and was no longer myself."

He strokes her tail slower. "... this isn't anywhere near as bad as that, but it's of the same vein. You'll hurt me by hurting yourself. Don't give what you can't spare and don't take all the suffering upon yourself."

Edited 2020-09-01 01:30 (UTC)

Era remains silent for a time, tail twitching under his touch.

"...It was moronic not to relegate duties amongst your fellows," she states eventually. "They were Warriors of Light too, and more than capable... But Hemera was nothing if not stubborn, so it's no surprise you would try to carry such a burden on your own."

Her gaze shifts until she's left staring down at her hands. Era fidgets with the spinner ring she always wears, soothed by the smooth motion and soft sound it emits.

"I can spare anything less than my life, Ardbert. I exist to protect, and do all I can to ease the suffering of others. It brings me happiness to do so, not pain."

"Aye, it was both moronic and not a surprise. I helped no one." He can admit that now.

Era is still not getting what he's trying to say, and he's not certain he can explain it. "You find solace that you need in this pendant. I don't want to take that from you. I hardly got a chance to know Hades, anyway. It just doesn't feel right."

They're back to this again. "Your love for each other is an ocean, whereas the love between him and I only had the chance to become a puddle. You get first choice in anything that was his, and I begrudge you naught for it, as that is how it should be."

"You'll never be taking anything away," Era frowns, purposefully ignoring what he says about her finding solace in the auracite. "Unless you intend on leaving me? I can think of no better place for my most precious keepsake to be than with my most precious person."

Ardbert lets out a soft sigh, his hand stilling on her tail. He removes it entirely so he can reach up to rub at the base of one of her horns while still holding her close. Era will know that face he makes, the one where he's trying to say the right words.

"... I won't force you. But when you're ready to grieve, I'll be right here by my side like you've been at mine."

The touch is soothing. Her eyes flutter shut and she leans into his hand, tail wagging gently against his leg—

Then he speaks up, and she suddenly goes very still.

"I've already grieved, Ardbert."

"I think you've told yourself you've already grieved. While you can speak of him now, you haven't felt anything since the first traumatic shock." Ardbert's voice is gentle as he rubs her horn. "But I'm not you, and maybe you have already grieved your last." He doesn't think so. "... if you later on realize you haven't, I'm here for you, as your betrothed."

"Thank you." Era has yet to resume any movement. "But I am done grieving. My focus is one again upon fulfilling his dying request."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

lmao ERA

she has her priorities ok 💦

tbf they are good priorities 😎

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject