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Hey folks. PSA for you. Name's Lup, I own Affurgato. Congrats to those who've already met my fabulous self.

As a heads up: I'm a lich. Other terms include: undead, corpse-walker, monster, abomination. Someone screamed "The Raven's Misfortune" at me once and I thought that was delightfully poetic.

If you have a problem with this, you can eat my entire ass. If you want to BRING your problem to me, I'll be happy to set YOUR ass on fire.

Now, are there any deeply personal details I ought to know about you in order for us to be friends? Apparently I have trust issues and aren't accustomed to mortal cultural norms.

that's all, have a great day or whatever

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...I already had powers as a mortal, and I've kept those. But apart from that...a few things? I am not sure I know the full range of it, and I would rather not find out if there's more I haven't realized yet.

[The last thing he wanted was to just start having daemons fall out of his pockets everywhere he went, one tonberry was enough.]

C'mon, dude, throw me a bone and roll with this. Useful skills, specifics. "A few things" doesn't help, it's too vague.

[There has to be a perk here, and she's gonna dig until she finds one.]

As I said, I don't quite know how real this body is. So I can...turn intangible and travel from one point to another? But I could already do that, essentially.

[get a big shovel.]

...There's nothing 'useful' to any of it. Anything else I could do is...dangerous.

[...that

that is really useful though]

Intangible travel? Is it different from the warping thing you all do?

[Because that sounds cool as heck. Details please.]

And dangerous doesn't mean something isn't useful, either.

Not different enough to matter, save that it doesn't need to be done in only a straight line. It feels more instinctive than anything, warping is...easier.

[And it didn't remind him he was an abomination himself.]

I can change my appearance, as well--I'm not all that certain how, I just tend to call it magic to simplify the explanation.

[Sure sounds like avoidance to her!]

Sorry if this is prying too hard, but... I think it's important. Can you show me?

[He looked uneasily to the door; no, she'd said they were closed. The last thing he'd want was for anyone who already knew what he'd no doubt eventually use that power for to walk in now.]

[There was a faint distortion of something supernatural in the air around him, and Lup sat across from herself, looking very uneasy. Ardyn's voice had changed to mimic hers as well, though the cadence and inflection was entirely his own hesitant and quiet wording.]

It just sort of...works, on the same level as turning to shadow. I don't know how to explain it any more than I would be able to explain breathing.

[Her eyes widen, shocked quiet for a long moment.]

Holy shit.

[And when the moment passes she beams, eyes bright and delighted, and claps her hands.]

It's perfect! I can't even tell! And the voice changes, too!

What? [Stunned, Ardyn leaned back slightly as if he almost wanted a quick emergency exit from this situation.] But it's...wrong. Something like this...c-could be misused any number of horrible ways and probably will be someday in the future, how can you...be so impressed by it?

I can think of a handful of reasons. Good reasons.

[She gestures with a hand, and with a glimmer of arcane energy, her own form shifts-]

This for example...

[Her voice is not the same as his, but she's doing a surprisingly solid impression of his tone, albeit with a little more confidence than is normal. She could have done a proper Polymorph and had an exact voice, but she'd prefer to confirm his reaction to the visual first. No sense in blowing a 4th level spell when level 1 does the trick.]

How did you--

[error 404 please reboot]

...This is getting a bit too strange even for me. Are you satisfied enough that I can change back now?

Awww. So soon?

[Hey, Ardyn, have you ever seen yourself pouting? Because Lup is pouting a little. But okay, fine- she gestures for him to go ahead if he wants, and she'll even drop her illusion when he does.]

It's not such a terrible skill to have, in a pinch. Any power can be used well if it's used smart.

[this is getting really up there on the list of strangest days he's ever had.]

I...can't disagree with that, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to use them. Even if I did, if anyone from home saw me using those powers...no doubt most of them would be uncomfortable to say the least.

...You know... I get that you try really hard to be as kind and inoffensive as possible, but you're missing a key point, here. If you spend all of your time hiding what you are for the sake of someone else's comfort, you'll never stop hating yourself. And self-hatred is a path that leads to much, much darker places.

This...isn't what I am. I mean I didn't want to turn into this. I didn't know what would happen, I- [Ardyn shook his head, again folding his arms and gripping his own sleeves nervously.]

...That's all it is. Hatred, anger, malice made form. The Starscourge is a curse on our entire world, and bearing it is only going to make me into something unthinkably terrible. I don't deserve the compassion they've shown me, and all I can do in return is to be anything but the daemon that ruins their lives. It's better to hate myself as Ardyn Lucis Caelum than to hate existence as Adagium.

Bzzzt. Incorrect.

[Sorry, she never promised to be nice. That's a terrible mentality that isn't going to make anyone happy- including the ones he seems so keen on protecting.]

Hate yourself, or hate existence... why do you think those are the only choices?

...Because I am quite literally comprised of negativity and darkness?

[he thought this was obvious.]

I'm bound to end up hating something, and I'd rather it not be uninvolved family members that don't deserve it.

I mean, there's plenty of things to hate beyond "myself" and "family". If you're determined to hate something, there's gotta be a more healthy way to redirect it.

[Which sounds a lot more simple than it is, granted, but this a journey, not a leap.

She leans back, lifting the cat from her corner and setting him down in Ardyn's lap instead, rather unceremoniously. She pours herself another glass of wine.]

Hatred's an insidious little shit of an emotion, but it has its uses. One thing you shouldn't do, though, is let it fester in a place that can hurt you and those around you. Do you know why the self-hurting part of it matters?

... [He didn't answer past shaking his head and listening, idly petting the cat with a scarred hand.]

To reiterate, so we're clear: you hate yourself. For years, for decades, for centuries. You've no positive experiences with what you are to offset this hatred, so you have no reason to stop. So it's there out of habit, because what other choice do you have? What can you do, learn to not hate what you've become?

[Idly, she runs her finger along the edge of the glass.]

So, you hate yourself. But other people care about you, they think you're a good and kind person! That's wild. But you hate yourself, and you don't deserve it, so they must be wrong.

[She looks sidelong at him, her expression fixed and pointed.]

Hatred is like... a hunger. It feeds on every little insecurity a person carries in their heart. When you hate something that another person loves, that hatred can latch on to them instead, and it can lash out. Little thoughts start to grow in the cracks between. "They're wrong to love me" can become "they're foolish to love me" can become "they're stupid", and their love for you turns into a dagger in your gut, reminding you of what you shouldn't be allowed to have, rather than what is freely given. Existence becomes so painful that resentment grows in the direction of those who can live without hurting. Those who can love, or use their powers joyfully, or take solace in one another's company. They become pain. And pain becomes something to avoid. Eventually, it becomes something to hate. Suddenly you wake up one day hating the ones you've been trying to protect, and it happened so slowly that you might not even notice what you've become.

Then what am I meant to do about it?

[He wasn't sure if she spoke from experience or not, but regardless everything she said made sense enough. The problem was understanding how to stop himself, which historically was not something Ardyn was very skilled in.]

I've been alone with nothing but my own thoughts for...too long. I don't know how to change that perspective, or even if I can.

I'm not gonna claim there's a guaranteed or immediate cure-all, but there's steps you can take to work on it. If you wanna stop and get off a horse, you need to slow it down first. Same logic applies.

[She raises a hand, extending fingers as she lists things off.]

First, you start correcting bad behaviour. Fake it till you make it. You say you're unworthy? Fuck that. You didn't choose this, and you're not a bad person. So tell yourself you are worthy, that people give a shit about you for a reason. Realize that badmouthing yourself is at the same time badmouthing the opinions of the people you care about. If they're good, and they like you, then there must be a reason, yeah? Depend on the ones who actually matter and build up some ego for your own existence. Do that for long enough, it slowly becomes second nature, and eventually it can become a genuine belief.

...I am not certain I understand the difference between that and deluding oneself.

[He wasn't arguing whether the method worked or not, at least.]

Is...that really alright?

To an extent, you could call it that, but I prefer to think of it as training. If you're bad at using a sword, you train with it, right? Well, you're kinda bad at using your brain right now. You have to train it to think differently about yourself, like a course-correct.

[She ponders for a moment, brows furrowing.]

Think of it as like... if someone told you an untrue fact as a child, and for years you believed it to be accurate. Then as an adult you find out the real truth. It takes a while after to think the recent truth first, as opposed to the childhood lie, but it's still important to correct yourself. Does that make sense?

I...suppose I understand the concept. [you know, where the whole kingdom's based on his brother being a lying liar who lies, it wasn't a difficult line of thought to follow]

But does something like that truly work in a situation like this? It rather sounds almost too straightforward to aid with such a problem.

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