hugtopia | How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,

[He hums, because that's true, but also not what he means. He's likewise sure that Faust knows what he actually means. Whether he'll see Faust more or not is still up for debate, but that interest is real and here. He tries not to smile too wide.]

Do you... have those... in your world...? It's a cafe, but... full of cats... and they let you... pet the cats... while you're there.

This one's called... affurgato...

...If there are, I haven't heard of them.

[He doesn't get out much. But a cafe full of cats... affurgato...]

...I wouldn't call this a vacation, but it's unlikely I'll be very busy here. So it shouldn't be a problem to see what it's like, sometime.

[Not because he wants to pet cats or anything.]

[He grins from ear to ear, almost making the tear look less gruesome.]

I'll... show you then... Just gonna... see how the cats... react to me... and if they... still don't like me... I'll just... lead you there...

[It'll be less fun, but Faust will appreciate it whether he's there or not.]

[Right, that could be a concern... he's not sure there's much he could do to prevent that, either...]

...If they don't react well, I'm sure there are more traditional cafes as well, like the one in your dream.

[Maybe not exactly like that what with the way this world is, but... if there's a cat cafe, surely there's also ones without cats.]

Yes... but... we've still... got to visit... the cats... I'd just... sit outside...

[He can't drink things publicly anyway unless Faust uses magic, so it's really just for the sake of hanging out and spending time.

Though that reminds him. His face goes wistful.]

... I guess... there will be... no more dreams... like that, huh?

...I could always go some other time on my own. [...wait-] Not that I would need to revisit that place.

[Anyway... hm.]

...Doubtful. At least, not in the way they appeared to us in that world... the magic of this world is different.

[He does his best to hide a laugh. He's less successful in hiding his smile. As if he doesn't know Faust likes animals by now. The man is ridiculous sometimes.

That final decisive comment leads him to sigh.]

Yeah... Should've expected... I'd never get... another chance...

[He wishes he'd done things differently. But he was sure he'd have more time. What a human mistake.]

Probably... no more magic... for me either... Easy come... easy go...

[Nothing to see here!!]

[He watches him for a moment.]

...Actually, that may not be the case. For your magic, at least.

[He blinks and lifts his gaze back up to Faust.]

What do you... mean...? You sense... something...?

I do. It wasn't clear before, perhaps because of the nature of that world... but there's still magic about you.

[He looks at his hands, staring at them, then bringing one up to press against his chest as if he could feel the magic there any better than he can feel a pulse that doesn't exist. He still has magic. He could still be useful, maybe, and he might have those dreams, if just not the same...

He's quiet for a long moment before looking up.]

Is that... okay...? Even though... I'm human... ish...?

[He gives him a moment to process that, though he's relatively sure that Teo can't tell the difference himself. Whatever magic remains with him, it may not be as flexible as his own... but they didn't get the chance to determine what else he might be able to do...]

[His question makes him blink, confused for a moment.]

...What are you saying, as if you need to ask permission? There is magic within you- that is simply a fact.

[Even if that's not something humans should normally have access to... but obviously the same rules don't apply in every world.]

[It is a fact, so for that he gives a slow nod, but he still has to press.]

It's not... permission exactly... I know you... hate humans... They treated you... badly... for your magic... Now I just... have some... Might feel... unfair... or... worse... Don't want to... flaunt something... that causes you pain...

[He hopes that makes more sense.]

...

[He sighs, long and weary.]

Humans who want magic for themselves have selfish reasons for it... they want to take only what benefits themselves. The only magic I've seen you use was to guide a long lost soul on its way. If that's the sort of magic you use, I have no qualms with it.

...Besides, you're... from another world without magic, like the Sage. I'm more willing to trust your judgment than a human from my own world.

[Not that Teo always makes the best judgment calls in his book, but he also doesn't think he'll take that trust lightly.]

[It's a new distinction, not one he's heard before. Humans from Faust's world and from other worlds, a bad and a good, or at least, better. He doesn't know if he's really unselfish. He wants that dream world back, being free to be who he was. And--]

It is nice... to feel less... useless...

[His fingers close over his palms. He does want to try. He wants to be something better than he is.]

Thank you... for trusting me...

[It's a distinction he's using more as an excuse that anything. He's not going to assume humans from other worlds can't be just as careless and cruel... but maybe they're at least more willing to make the effort to be understanding, without having ever experienced the conflict between humans and wizards.]

If you want to thank me, then you can do so by making sure I never have to regret it.

...And you've hardly been useless. Even if you were limited due to hiding yourself, you were always offering your assistance with restoring the islands.

[As for this place, he's going to have similar problems. But he can still help, if that's what he wants.]

Having magic doesn't make you more or less useful... it comes down to how you use it, the same as you would use your own hands and strength.

I'll never... be able to... prove that until... I'm fully dead...

[He says that with a huff and wry tone that's partially ruined by his rasping. He's going to thank Faust regardless and Faust knows it.

The rest renders him quieter. Part of him wants to insist that it's not enough, but he's also touched that Faust would think otherwise. It's the final comment that outright throws him. He looks up, blinking.]

You... really think that...? I would've... I would've thought...

[He trails off.]

[He doesn't bother responding to that. But he raises a brow at his question.]

Would have thought what? Spit it out.

[His head bows.]

Sorry... it was... a stupid thing... [He frowns, more at himself than anything.]

It's just... magic is... important to you... and... with how you feel... of humans... the difference that... having magic makes... [He rubs at his bittnen arm.]

I mean, it's not just... you... I thought it myself... that... what you and... everyone else could do... You were better... You could do more... So to hear... you say that... that having magic... doesn't really matter... I didn't expect it...

...You're putting words in my mouth. When did I say it doesn't matter? And we're "better" because we can do more? Good grief...

[He pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment. He may not be like the humans who hate wizards, but this is still so very human of him...]

Your mistake is in assuming that magic is something you simply have and use, like a tool or weapon that we put away when we're not using it. Think of it this way... imagine you were born with wings. On the surface, one might think this means you're simply a human with the ability to fly, right? But having wings isn't just an ability or tool... it means having two more limbs than everyone else. They're always a part of you even when you're not in the air, and you can move them independently in ways you can't move your other limbs, and you can feel the world around you in ways no other human can... and if your wings are bound or injured, you'll feel discomfort and pain no human can understand. You can't simply hold them still and cover them up and say that makes you the same as anyone else.

Our magic isn't limitless, and overextending it can be exhausting and even lethal. Magic is tied into who I am- a part of my soul. It also doesn't make me more or less useful. Both of these statements are true, because who I am is not decided by how effectively I can be used.

[There's a clear edge to those last words.]

Humans fear wizards, but that doesn't always manifest as hate. Some humans worship us as if we're gods because of what we can do. They would elevate us, while others believe we look down on them to begin with and so try to subjugate us. That's why humans and wizards can never live alongside each other... there's no overcoming that divide...

So don't speak of me as if I'm better than you because of what magic is capable of. I expected better of you.

Edited 2022-02-15 00:50 (UTC)

That's-- not--

[He didn't mean it like that. He swears he didn't. But he shuts up when Faust goes on because this is far more important.

He's misunderstood. He's maybe misunderstood everything about Faust this whole time as that metaphor reveals. There are names for humans with wings, even if they only exist in myth and stories, just as wizards and witches. But he didn't understand. He's... he's so stupid.

He flinches, because using Faust was never his intention, nor even suggesting it. He already considered it to be unfair and he's avoided using Faust for his power or expecting anything magic from him since he learned. And even still he's misstepped.

That's why humans and wizards can never live alongside each other... there's no overcoming that divide...

No overcoming that divide. Not even with him.

I expected better of you.

He hears those words in another voice. A woman's that he doesn't recognize, something from his fractured memory but something that makes no sense with feelings that make no sense. He's having trouble focusing, the moment splintering in his mind. He swallows hard.]

... Sorry...

[He draws his goggles back over his eyes, his head back down, and his gaiter up. Unsteadily, he gets to his feet.]

I'm... gonna go walk... I'm sorry.

[He knows it's a lot to throw at him, but it's frustrating that he doesn't seem to have grasped such a basic concept when he's spent this much time trying to be a friend to him... but maybe that's unfair. There was a lot Teo didn't understand about him and his world to begin with, yet with every stumble he tries his best to make it right.]

[But sometimes he tries to run away. It would be easy enough to just let him go... but he's not satisfied leaving things like this. He shifts where he's standing to place himself between Teo and the door.]

No. I'm not trying to chase you away. I expected better of you because I'm willing to trust you. For any other human I wouldn't expect anything of them at all... I know you didn't have ill intent.

But if you want to be alone, this is your house; I'll go.

[He does want to run. That fact is undeniable. But he also doesn't want to burden Faust with trying to make him feel better about the fact he screwed up. He screwed up, trampling over things that were intrinsically important to Faust, assuming he understood, or even understood better. Now, between that, his memories, and the fear he's ruined things for good, he feels panic building that he only half understands and that's not fair to put on Faust.

Which is why he doesn't know what to feel when Faust blocks his way out. His gaze darts to the window considering it for a split second. But then he's blurting--]

No...! [He coughs.] No...

[Breathe, he tells himself. Breathe. Not because he needs it, but to focus.]

I don't... want you... to go... I don't... want to hurt you... I'm... glad you... trust me... [Those words come out particularly quiet, not quite believed, but treasured.] My head's... um... scrambled... things... old things... Want to... do things right... [He tugs at his hood.]

[If Teo had asked him to leave, he would have turned and left, even if he wouldn't have been very happy about the conversation ending that way either. But it's not too surprising that he doesn't. He knows well enough he doesn't want to hurt him... though the mention 'old things' and his head feeling scrambled has him looking at him more acutely, concerned.]

...Did you remember something?

[An inhuman keening escapes from him before he can stop it. It distantly reminds him of the sounds some dead would make when there wasn't a living creature in sight and they were slumped upon the ground, head bobbing in sick and hungry misery. He doesn't need that memory crowding his head right now.]

Vague... Something... Dis... appointing... again... Being afraid... Don't go...

[He keeps tugging at his hood.]

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