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Hey folks. PSA for you. Name's Lup, I own Affurgato. Congrats to those who've already met my fabulous self.

As a heads up: I'm a lich. Other terms include: undead, corpse-walker, monster, abomination. Someone screamed "The Raven's Misfortune" at me once and I thought that was delightfully poetic.

If you have a problem with this, you can eat my entire ass. If you want to BRING your problem to me, I'll be happy to set YOUR ass on fire.

Now, are there any deeply personal details I ought to know about you in order for us to be friends? Apparently I have trust issues and aren't accustomed to mortal cultural norms.

that's all, have a great day or whatever

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So, like... around a holiday, then? Like Taako and me?

[It does sound like it would be fitting. Something that could easily overshadow a birthday if one chooses to keep it on the down-low, but also something that could be properly celebrated with a bit of extra effort.]

... Yes, like you two. If I am to pick something new, I don't want it to be... empty.

[ But of course, she can't just up and pick their holiday, either; that was theirs to share even if they'd welcomed her to do so. No, she needs something else...

She's quiet for a moment, pondering it further, though her ears give a quick, alert little wiggle. ]

Well... if we're talking long term, and since you're going to go back to Faerun with us...

[Because until told otherwise, that's still their definitive future, in Lup's mind.]

It should be one of our holidays, I'm thinking.

Of course it must be. I wouldn't have it otherwise.

[ Because that, too, gave it meaning. A promise for future birthdays to come. She gives Lup's shoulder a gentle squeeze. ]

... there is one that comes to mind, that I find I quite like. It happens to be first one that you both taught me about... and one in which I could dote upon you with gifts if I so chose as well. How about... Candlenights? Around there. We'll make our own tradition.

[Lup shifts subtly against her with a thoughtful exhale.]

Candlenights...

[Well, why not? Candlenights has never been particularly special in her heart or her history, at least for most of her life, but she does have some fond attachment for the celebration in recent years. In part because she finally has (some of) her family back, with more to be returned to her when she goes home at last, and in part because the last Candlenights in Faerun was the day when everything began to truly shift. Taako met Kravitz. They learned about the greater planer system theory. Barry recognized the umbrella. Even from her magic prison, she'd felt the changes. It might be nice to have another association, one a little less serious and more celebratory.]

Candlenights lasts about a week, too. You could pick any day you wanted and not even stick to a constant.

[ When she'd first heard of Candlenights, she was only starting to trust those around her. Taako had begun to fill her life with the color and food she hadn't known she'd been missing, and Lup had been there... and she, in turn, had been there too.

She laughs softly at Lup's addition. ]

... I like that. Not having it bound to a particular day to recall, and the holiday would keep the reminder there. So long as I don't get too caught up and neglect to choose something when it is upon us.

I hope you don't think that we'd let you get away with forgetting about it.

[If she happens to wait until the last day to say anything, she'll be in for a surprise. And perhaps not necessarily the good kind.]

I'd trust that you wouldn't. Still, this is all rather new for me, so I hope you'd forgive me even if I did.

[ Choosing was one step, associating it with a holiday another. Whatever that might lead to? There were months yet, still, to get accustomed to the thought of having one at all. ]

Forgive, yes. But not dunk on? Not a chance.

What motivation... to remember my own newly-decided upon birthday or be shamed for not doing so.

[ She can laugh about it now, at least. ]

That is what I signed up for, with you two. You had better let me have it.

Yeah, kind of a foregone conclusion with us. I can't even apologize, and I'm the nice one.

[Taako would dish it out twice as hard, so best prepare Honerva ahead of time.]

[ At least she had come a considerable distance away from letting them call her whatever name came to mind because she couldn't realize what difference it made until later.

With them there was a later. Hard not to be grateful for that. She tilts her head, giving her a significant look. ]

I know.

[ She'll take a sip of her own drink, before setting it down. ]

As... important as it is to have that settled, you know that isn't quite what I had intended to ask you about.

...I know, [is Lup's echo; she'd expected it at some point, so her posture doesn't change save for a subtle shift of her shoulders, her ears laid flat like a cat lashing its tail. Her lips purse into a neutral look.]

Cor and I have gone our separate ways. I told him that he needs to talk to you as well, so fair warning.

[ While Honerva had been bracing for something along those lines, Lup's warning hits her rather suddenly. Be careful what you ask for, and all. She's quiet for a moment, letting the words sink in while trying to do the rest of the math. ]

He... has been keeping his distance. I had been trying not to let it worry me, but...

[ She'd needed her own downtime, and she'd seen Regis and Ardyn around enough to know it wasn't because he was ill or injured, but maybe he'd needed time to process from whatever he might have been dealing with during that time.

But this statement combined with that rather pointed way Lup had addressed the network... ]

You've been hurting all this time. Lup...

I'm alright. [And she is! She will be. She's handling it.] I needed the reminder. When it comes down to it, you can really only ever count on family.

[Talking dust, Taako had said, years ago. She remembers that night, how worried Barry had been. And it's not something she believes herself, it's not something she could agree with. But gods, sometimes she envies that he could distance himself like that.]

[ At that 'alright', she's already shifting to hug her more firmly. ]

Then count on us. You don't have to bear that alone.

I didn't know for sure until today. It was just a big question mark, just a feeling without confirmation.

[She offers no resistance, settling against the other woman with eyes downcast.]

Now I know. So here I am.

... What took place?

[ Her tone is softer, though her hold remains steadfast. ]

A while back, when our ages were getting all screwy, Cor found me as a lich. Don't think he much liked what he saw.

[He'd explained his reasoning plenty afterward, but this event had been what caused the rift; hard to imagine that her true form hadn't played a factor in his decision. He'd defied her expectations in other unpleasant ways, so why not this too?]

He won't tolerate secrets in his relationships. For someone like me, it's impossible, so... that's the end of it.

[ She makes a displeased sound, a sharp intake of breath, as she lets Lup's words sink in further. ]

Even if I could ever break past my concerns of sharing more with him...

[ He'd promised to be patient, as much as she knew Cor well, even if her own emotions and reason were thrown into orbit whenever he'd hold her close, but she wondered how much she would ever be able to say, if it all became too much for him to hear and accept. ]

I told him not to hurt you. Not to disregard your feelings...

I told the same thing to him of you. [Lup's mouth quirks into a bittersweet smile.] It's an irrational promise. The real mistake was not recognizing that our expectations for one another were so different. I thought...

[Another exhale, her hand tightening around the mug.]

I told him communication was important for this sort of relationship. For multiple people to rotate around one another without falling apart. But he threw it back to me as meaning that everything was on the table, all secrets laid bare. I didn't expect that.

[ Her expression softens at Lup's sad smile, but she also exhales. It's a lot. ]

... We are complex beings. We live on the wind and in the sparkle of a star, bear the weight of centuries and darkness where none willing would ever hope to tread. He does not, and has not, and is still learning that his expectations do not wholly fit those around him. He is still grasping that he cannot force them to fit. I wonder that he cannot handle the reality, in truth... it might have been either one of us that this happened to first. The world just forced your hand...

[Lup half-laughs, though the sound is about as joyless as it gets.]

Well, you know me. I'm pretty lucky. [Her luck's been- great, so great. For years and years.] You're not wrong, though. In terms of life and relationship experience, he's just a baby. It isn't our job to teach him the reality of existences like ours, nor is it his obligation to change. Besides, he doesn't need us any more than we needed him. He has others to keep him warm at night.

[It was just... nice. To be wanted, to have a bit of fun. To say that she regretted all of it would be a lie.]

...I'm glad it was me. I'll shake it off, always do.

[ Her own ears lower. Perhaps of the two of them it was easier for Lup to take the sting of it first, but it still didn't make it fair. ]

... I can't deny the way being around him has felt. To know that it was okay to... have that feeling. Perhaps I've just been seeing someone else in his eyes all this time, that gentleness underneath, but would take my breath away in an instant. I always worried that we would end up hurting one another, that the gap between us was just too wide. But here we are, now...

[ Gently, smoothing back some of Lup's hair. ]

Here we are with these months of... not hearing from him at all, and you having to endure that on your own. That makes it clear enough to me.

Mm.

[Lup can't help nodding along; she'd felt some of that same echo, certain traits he'd shared with people she cared about. It had both helped and hindered things, and she'd worked her way around them. In the end, they probably just make this feel worse than it rightfully should.]

We haven't lost anything that we didn't already know belonged to someone else. Try and hold on to that, I guess.

[He'd been clear about that, as had Lup herself. Their hearts belonged to other people, and whatever this was didn't have to go any deeper. Just because it hurt didn't mean that it wasn't... disposable, in some way. This proves that much.]

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