[Text] - Terminally Online

[elbowroom]

[This isn't the first time Jonesy has found herself waking up in a strange place she didn't remember going to sleep in. It isn't the first time a robot has woken her up, either.

The stone slab is new, though. As is the explanation that she's on an entirely different world than the one she knows.

She doesn't believe it at first, until she steps outside into an entire city of robots
- and their claim is further backed up by the fact that none of her implants can connect to a satellite to get her GPS location. Or the fact that the wireless matrix of this place is set up way differently than the matrix she's accustomed to.

There is a wireless network, though. And the robots even gave her a tablet to use. So, of course, Jonesy does what any hacker would do in her position: She searches the internet for answers.

And when she fails to find a quick and easy explanation of how to get home, she goes on the internet to complain.]


ok so ive been running the numbers in my head and its starting to seem very likely that this is all real, and that i'm not just experiencing biofeedback induced brain damage OR trapped in a hyper realistic VR sim from which i cannot escape.

in which case i must ask:

what the FUCK

you kidnap the best hacker in LA , take me to an alternate fucking planet in a city filled with sapient robots and dragons and gods and no one wants me to DO anything??

no hacking, no repairs, no IT work? i didnt get grabbed because someone was planning a cool space heist that they need my skills for? i'm just supposed to hug people?

i am feeling EXTREMELY undervalued here.

if i got picked because of the arms then i'm not hugging anyone. you robots can go fuck yourselves if thats what this is about.

Comments

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[daikonrose]

It's true, it's pretty amazing how bad they are at picking people to kidnap, considering they only want us to do the one thing.

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[elbowroom]

seriously.

how's the selection process work, anyway? is it random or do they work off of some kind of algorithm?

either way their strategy needs a LOT of work

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[daikonrose]

What is an algorithm?

In any case, I don't think anyone knows how they pick, but my guess is they're going for main character types.

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[elbowroom]

its like a set of rules that need to be followed in a calculation pr decision making process. like "DON'T kidnap anyone with brown hair. DO kidnap people who can do nasty kickflips." with those parameters you'd get a bunch of skateboarders who don't have brown hair.

what exactly do you mean main character types. main characters of what

[daikonrose]

I see! I think I get it! So that's a hacker thing?

Main characters, you know? Like main characters from TV and manga and video games and books--they've experienced lots of exciting things, they're usually unreasonably attractive, most of them can cast magic or use a sword probably, or they're some kind of once-in-a-generation prodigy. That type. Not that it's one hundred percent, there are a few boring people hanging around too.

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[astralera]

Hello,

There is no rhyme or reason as to who is brought here. The local gods reach out blindly and grab hold of whoever they can.

Positive physical contact is what fuels the gods, but you needn't engage in it. You will still receive enough of a monthly stipend to live off of regardless, and can earn extra income doing other things. With your skillset it shouldn't be at all difficult to find other work with which to occupy yourself while confined in this place.

[elbowroom]

well. i'm not gonna pretend i'm happy with this situation, but i will admit that's a lot more generous than i was expecting our captors to be.

[She comes from a hyper capitalist dystopia so the thought of a powerful entity meeting all her needs for more or less free is kind of an alien one to her.]

that's weird, right? like they go through the effort to drag us here, and then they feed us and house us and all they want in return is for us to hug each other?

what's the catch?

[astralera]

Thus far the catch seems to be that we are trapped here and have limited information.

I put together a post with some basic information a few months ago. While I need to update it you may still find it somewhat useful. I will attach a link to this message.

[ She attaches this link. ]

[elbowroom]

oh wow, this is very helpful thank you.

you weren't kidding about limited information but i can't fault you for working with what you have.

the importance of touch seems like it might be an essence thing? speaking of which, it's weird that it seems they jumped to full body replacement and it became so widespread so quickly. do we have any prompted that?

[astralera]

I am not entirely sure, but my understanding is that their world was dying and they believed their physical needs were expediting the decay if not causing it outright.

It was only after the population finished the transition (which did happen over a period of months, at the very least, as there were those against the change) that they realized their desperate attempt at salvation had made things worse.

I have been unable to discover what aspect of physical touch between sapient, organic beings empowers the gods here. If it were a matter of contact between souls then we would not be needed, so clearly some biological component is necessary.

text - sorry for lack of font

[waitatick]

It is indeed true, though if you are willing I would very much like to discuss your hacking skills for any potential space heists. I am emperor of a fairly significant section of the universe, but I cannot lead without experts to assist me and my multiple heists.

[Is he joking? One never really knows.]

no worries!

[elbowroom]

sounds good to me, i've never worked for an emperor before.

[Sales pitch time:]

i'm proficient in most programming languages, have a mix of cybernetic and organic brain augmentations that increase everything from my mathematical skill to my ability to multitask to the speed of my actual thought. all of which only enhances my already considerable skill with a computer.

other deckers will sell themselves by telling you they have the best gear and the best programs. state of the art shit that is impressive - but it goes out of date.

me though? im the best in the game in terms of pure ability. i can hack with any shitty piece of hardware i can get my hands on and i can do it better than most.

if you're still interested when we get out of this place, i can send you my rates. im very reasonable.

[pinkxeno]

they are stubborn and dont think we can do stuff like going outside
it rly sucks

[elbowroom]

that's so weirdly paternalistic for dudes who kidnapped us in the first place.

like if they really cared about our well being maybe they shouldn't have teleported us to their shitty dying planet

[pinkxeno]

oh it wasnt the robots bringing us
it was the gods

[elbowroom]

aren't they on the same side?

[pinkxeno]

well kinda
but they are just doing what they can to save their world
and this is what the gods said itd work

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[whenyouneedme]

I mean there's been at least two instances of things popping out of their VR into reality so i wouldn't rule out IT work just yet

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[elbowroom]

see, that i can work with.

this is weird to say but bizarre vr shit is the best news i've gotten since i arrived here.

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[whenyouneedme]

i'll keep my fingers crossed just for you then ha

it's always been like creatures? escaping? whole buncha chickens and bees roaming the streets

Re: [text]

[elbowroom]

in their defense, keeping poultry is hard.

sure they managed to put together an interplanetary (interdimensional?) kidnapping ring, but have YOU ever tried to build a chicken coop? its complicated.

Video;

[aunitedeorzea]

[A lot of this goes over his head, but he's picked up the gist of her message. There was quite a bit of colorful language used. She'd fit right in at Limsa.]

I'm sure you could probably find a use for your expertise here in some way. [Not said in a way to undermine her skills or anything.] It is a bit strange to get used to, but in most cases, physical touch like the sort is usually the cure for whatever strange anomalies that happen here.

Re: Video;

[elbowroom]

[A bright orange gibbon appears on the screen to greet Alphinaud. Her expression doesn't seem thrilled about the situation she's in.]

Yeah, I'm sure I could find a use for it, its just kind of insulting that I was grabbed -

[Wait hold up. He said something important just now and she almost blew right by it.]

What was that about anomalies? This is the first I'm hearing of anomalies.

[aunitedeorzea]

[Having dealt with various beast tribes, her appearance didn't particularly strike him as odd.]

Every month, something strange tends to happen... All of which are generally solved by touch. [As weird as that was.] So far I've had to deal with flower petals for not speaking my mind, having my own personal narrator, and becoming two dimensional for a spell.

They've been mostly harmless, if not a bit of an annoyance from time to time, but nothing dangerous. I suspect we'll likely see another occurrence soon enough if patterns are anything to go by.

[elbowroom]

See, that's something they should tell newbies when they wake us up on a stone slab. I want to know if weird shit's going to happen to my body.

[Seriously if they're going to drag someone across dimensions, the least they could do is be a little considerate about it.]

What do you mean you were two dimensional? How does that even work?