hugtopia | [audio]

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[audio]

Good evening.

[The voice that comes on is even and softly accented with what one could presume is an English accent, were England a place that existed for you.]

For those of you that don't know me yet, my name is Ignis. I'm here with something of an offer - as I'm sure most of you are aware, the ingredients the replicators seem capable of producing are strange. Some of them are completely foreign to me, but I'm something of a hobbyist chef. I know my compatriots are likely to eat my food with few complaints as they would not wish to hurt my feelings, and that simply won't do.

What I am offering is, of course, meals cooked for you. Nothing that will poison you, of course, but something to help acclimate me to the strange new foods I have at my disposal. If you're interested in trying, feel free to stop by.

[He leaves his address, and then signs off.]

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Oh boy, that sounds great! Thanks a million!

I wouldn't be thanking me just yet.

But I just did!

[He chuckles softly.]

That you did. Well, I suppose that's more reason not to disappoint.

Aw, it takes a whole lot to disappoint me! Last time I was disappointed...

[He trails off, because come to think of it, has anyone or anything actually made him feel that way???]

Uh... hm!

[He's not aware that Ignis can't see the video in question, and is making completely useless starry eyes at his camera.]

Reallyyyy?! You have no idea how happy I am to hear that! I didn't want to just barge in without checking when would be a good time for you, but I was seriously tempted to crash through your window!

[Poor Magolor. Your starry eyes are for nothing, but it's okay.]

I appreciate that you've managed to restrain yourself - and you're welcome to come by most days. There's not many obligations I need to hold to here.

Life's a little slow here, huh? But yours is about to get a lot busier if you're throwing out an offer like this. You get many bites so far? No pun intended!

It was a welcome change of pace, at first. And I've gotten more bites than I was expecting, if I'm being honest.

I doubt a chef, even a hobbyist, can really understand just how desperate some of us are . . . I've been spoiled by my ship's cold storage for a long time now. My roommate's no better off! I don't know what his excuse is, though. So I'm sure half this place is in our same position, if not even more.

I shouldn't be surprised that there are so many of you that can't cook... Perhaps I should offer lessons instead.

"If you teach a man to fish," right? Something like that. Well, I'll be there to eat everyone else's experiments if you do go that route. Hehehe!

That sounds great! I haven't been able to do much besides a cup of soup with mine. I'll be sure to stop by!

I'll make sure not to serve you anything resembling soup, then. I'd like to think I can do better than that.

[He's not even inflicting his presence on you, Iggy. Be glad. The squeaking and chaos is making his already minimal sleep non existent which makes Cor a very cranky Lion. Maybe even enough to cross over into "coeurl" status.]

If you think I'm going to lie to you you don't know me very well.

[He sounds amused when he responds, chuckling softly.]

My apologies. I did not mean to besmirch the good name of the Immortal.

[His next breath comes out as something rough, somewhere between a growl and a grumble. Must you call him that Ignis?

Maybe he should actually admit to someone that he hates it?

Hmm

Nah.]

You want to feed everyone in the city, be my guest but if it tastes awful I will gladly tell you so.

[Things would be easier if you were honest.]

I appreciate the honesty. It would be better for everyone to know what I'm doing wrong.

[He knows that for most it is a form of respect. Most don't know what tragedies earned him that title. No one means it to be cruel and admitting how much the title makes his heart ache is admitting a weakness he cannot display in front of his soldiers.

So he never will.]

You cannot improve if you do not know what needs improvement. It is a disservice to your skills to lie about it.

[Cor, you're going to put yourself into an early grave thinking like that.

Not like Ignis can blame him for it.]

Very true - and I would certainly like to improve, instead of staying subpar.

[He's okay with that, Ignis.]

I don't know that you're capable of making anything subpar.

[ The excitement in his voice absolutely cannot be masked. Thanks to that, he sounds a little more like someone Ignis knows far better than he knows Goro Akechi . . . ]

Ah, that sounds great!

[ But, it's back to his usual voice - just a little more... shy, this time, as he switches things over to private. ]

Is there, by any chance... [ . . . ] Um...

[ SUPER AWKWARD, IT'S HIM. ]

Would you be interested in maybe teaching me how to cook? I'd find a way to pay you for the trouble, of course.

Teach you how to cook?

[He pauses for a moment, thinking about it. He's not sure how well he could do, now, but...

If he can teach Noctis, he can teach anyone.]

I could do that - though I wouldn't worry about paying me.

Color me curious - what sort of things will you be offering, Mr. Hobbyist Chef? And for how much? Because if you're going free, then it's gonna undercut my business unless we diversify our menus.

[Says the guy who used to be a professional one.]

I wasn't intending to offer things for free for very long. [He has no desire to actually run a restaurant or anything - he'd be driven mad.] Though it would mostly be Lucian cuisine - or the closest one can get without the right ingredients.

[He just wants some daggerquill. Why is there no daggerquill?]

Now that I'm definitely interested in. [He's heard "Lucian" somewhere before, right...? Shit, he can't remember where.]

What kinda stuff do you need though? I could maybe whip up a deal between you and me to get them to you depending on the complexity and how well you can describe 'em.

Ideally I could get what's native to my home. [He chuckles softly at the idea.] But I'm not quite sure that's exactly possible.

[As in he has no idea what Taako can do.]

That weird...shit you mentioned before, right? That uh..anak horn...thing?

[Taako's listening skills still need work.]

Anything's possible when you got money and a transmutation wizard who wants that money.

Anak and dualhorn.

[They're two separate beasts, Taako!]

So you've the ability to transform things? Fascinating...

[Not his fault your world has weird cows!]

Right right those things. And I do indeed - being a fancy magical elven wizard will do that to ya.

You are skilled at cooking?

[Verstael could get by.

But he preferred to have someone else do the cooking.]

I've gotten a few rave reviews in my time.

[He could just say yes.]

While I'm capable of providing for myself, I would prefer if I didn't have to spend my time on basic needs.

At what times will you be serving?

So you want a personal chef.

[smh.]

In the afternoons, and perhaps some evenings.

If you are offering those services I would be interested, given that your skill is adequate.

[That was exactly what he wanted. He was accustomed to it by now. He cloned the ingredients back home but it wasn't like he cooked them.]

I suppose you'll have to see for yourself, what my skill level is.

Will you be serving tonight?

[He's asking like this is a business...]

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