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Hey folks. PSA for you. Name's Lup, I own Affurgato. Congrats to those who've already met my fabulous self.

As a heads up: I'm a lich. Other terms include: undead, corpse-walker, monster, abomination. Someone screamed "The Raven's Misfortune" at me once and I thought that was delightfully poetic.

If you have a problem with this, you can eat my entire ass. If you want to BRING your problem to me, I'll be happy to set YOUR ass on fire.

Now, are there any deeply personal details I ought to know about you in order for us to be friends? Apparently I have trust issues and aren't accustomed to mortal cultural norms.

that's all, have a great day or whatever

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Good.

[ The rest of the house is empty, and as tempting it might be to focus on work than anything else, that wasn't why Honerva had been seeking Lup. The reluctance of that sigh is palpable, but she's making an effort here, to lead them somewhere more comfortable. ]

It seems like you made a lot of progress with the ivory already.

[Lup glances over her shoulder at it, frowning, and plucks a cookie off the plate.]

It's coming along, yeah. Technically it doesn't have to be so intricate, but my spells work better if I use the same component; I'm trying to make it look like the old one, and it's kinda tricky. This is a different kind of ivory, so I have to be careful of cracks.

[She gestures to the other side of the desk, where another fragment has been snapped down the center.]

Already broke one and had to start over.

Perhaps that is why a spare was included.

[ She frowns a little at that; she doesn't like the thought that the acquisition could have been unreliable, but Lup was doing her best with what was there, she was certain. ]

Have you been down here for a while, then?

Maybe. Anyway, I'll get Taako to fix it later.

[The perks of having the world's best transmutation wizard. Broken things rarely stay broken for long.]

An hour or two today, I think? I wanted something to focus on, and Era's shown some interest in using it for her matrimonial shindig.

[ Her ears give a slight flicker in curiosity at that. ]

Has she, now? That's a use of the space I hadn't anticipated, though you've certainly implied that it can be... customized for varying purposes.

Yeah, each casting creates a space that's custom to my needs at the time. Within some limitations, obviously, but it's flexible enough. As long as I know what I'm creating, it can make it happen.

[Useful for days when she needs to fantasy-Hulk-smash something for a few hours before Spa Time.]

... I know. You're capable of so much.

[ Lup's more than explained the concept of it all to her before, and as much as she had at the time she was fond of and appreciative of the way Lup could engineer that space, customize it with rooms fitting to a purpose or tailored to certain individuals, and at the time, Honerva had struggled to contribute her own ideas for it. It was enough to share the space and... to be let in, to that warmth, that concept of being invited to a home to be safe in, from outside circumstances.

Designing a space where they might work, at least, was something she was more tailored to, but they still had a ways to go before that finished product. ]

Perhaps if you finish it before we have this room together, we could test our ideas and improve our plans that way.

[The first comment cracks a smile from Lup - compliments often do - though it's brief.]

As a workspace? Maybe, but I wouldn't recommend doing anything too serious in a pocket dimension. It can mix weirdly with other magic, and we don't want to fuck ourselves up with a bad blowback. Or worse, break the component in the process.

[Because obviously losing the ivory would be worse than hurting themselves, right.]

No, it would be far too dangerous to utilize. I had considered only it might be a good way to envision it before it's finished.

[ She smiles wryly; she had not meant to seem that reckless, but she can understand why Lup might have thought otherwise. ]

Oh. ...Yeah, that makes more sense.

[She really must be tired, huh, to not be thinking straight. It's probably for the best that she takes a break.

With a soft sigh she lifts one of the cups of cocoa and sinks down to the floor, leaning back against the unfinished wall and tucking her knees close.]

Was thinking about having another group hang-out, once it's done. It'd be nice to escape the world for a while, yeah?

[ She follows Lup's lead, settling down next to her, still noting how worn she seems. ]

Ah, so you mean to invite Pyra and Era as well...? Perhaps that is suitable. These past few months have not been particularly kind.

Yeah, no kidding.

[Well, kinder to some than to others, maybe. The other two seem pretty happy with their current circumstances. Lup can't begrudge them for that, she's not bitter, exactly. Tired is the more apt description.]

Era at least should see the place before she makes a decision. And I dunno, Pyra would probably be into it. Dimensional magic seems right up her alley.

She's very inquisitive, so I'm certain she would be quite delighted by it.

[ But now it's her turn to sigh a little, distracted. ]

Although, I wonder if she does not still feel... poorly... for what happened a few months ago. Perhaps it would ease her discomfort, to know she was still welcome to such things. She has already had some... strange ideas.

Strange ideas? How do you mean?

[Lup tilts her head curiously at that, her ears curved upwards. She's not surprised that Pyra might feel guilty about what happened - it was pretty damned intense - but she's not sure about the rest.]

[ Honerva's ears have noticeably lowered, but she takes a sip of her own cocoa before responding. ]

She believes... that I ought to have a birthday of my own. She'd seemed so insistent upon the idea.

...Is that a problem?

[Considering she and Taako had chosen their own, it doesn't sound like a bad idea to Lup.]

I... know not. It -- is not something I've had to consider before. I suppose it is difficult to stop thinking of why it would not... be appropriate, for someone like me.

[ The idle considerations of different seasons and not finding anything that felt suitable. Mostly, she is reminded of her son and all she could not give him, for all this had been an innocent, whimsical suggestion. ]

But for her insistence it also did not seem fair to... deny others that chance.

The hell does that even mean? You having a birthday has nothing to do with other people.

[She's probably doing that unnecessary guilt thing again, so better nip that in the bud.]

... I find it difficult to suddenly have to choose for myself something which I could not honor my son with for all those years.

[ She sets the cup down. ]

But what I could not give then I can make certain others have now.

Stop that.

[Lup drums her fingers against the mug, gaze fixed on the floor in front of her.]

Don't let yourself be indebted to things you couldn't help.

Be indebted...

[ She's quiet for a long moment, exhales softly, and shakes her head slightly. ]

... I suppose were it anyone else, I might say the same.

[ With certain people especially, she's finding that it happens more often than not. ]

Perhaps... I have understood the lack of it for so long that the thought of that sort of recognition is... alarming, to me. When I should be grateful that someone wished for me to have that, despite... everything.

You can't help how you feel. But you can't just pretend it's normal, either. Ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away.

[Which is rich, coming from her, but she thrives on that sort of mentality. Honerva had retracted; she was getting better through pushing herself or allowing herself to be pushed. There's a stark difference between functional and non, and to Lup, the key is self-control over one's own thoughts. Honerva isn't there yet.]

I'm not saying you have to broadcast it to the world. But it's good to think about, in my opinion. It's important to let yourself believe that your life's worth celebrating, even if it's only you doing it.

[ Sorting out where one stands within being bounced to and from extremes, of long, deeply rooted influences and the guilt and regret that made up the underside, was a delicate balancing act and one that Honerva still had a way to go in mastering. It was far too easy to lose sight of her own way or her own needs depending on which current was stronger, and the experience over a month ago had shaken that up considerably.

To believe that her own life was worth celebrating, for no other reason than that it was hers... there was something powerful in that. Not something to be demanded of others and not something to be denied because she had failed so many by not... being what she should have.

Still, she couldn't help how she felt. And to make a choice on the matter was all the more pressure; what would fit? What would be close enough to her heart to feel right, when there was nothing to compare it to otherwise? Look at her, making something that should be simple so difficult when it doesn't have to be. ]

... Yeah.

[ She exhales. Lup has always been Lup, but Honerva has not always been Honerva. She was writing her own present and future now, no matter what. Either way, she sits closer, so they're both snug on the floor of this basement they were building, reaching over to pull her closer in a half hug to not disrupt the food in front of them, and laughs softly despite everything. ]

It is... worth thinking about. It feels like such a thin line, at times. Perhaps the meaning I had been unable to grasp in it was that it means something, to be here, with you. In order to that, I must also matter... to myself.

[ Hard not to think of how Lup had reacted while she was poisoned, either... was she truly so consistently foolish, to not be able to help her when she needed it? Even now, she knew, Lup was caught up in something else, her own torment, maybe something she didn't think Honerva was strong enough to face. But she was here, so she would not be alone with it. ]

[Lup waits while she thinks it through, listening quietly as she sips at her cup, and when Honerva pulls her in she moves with no resistance, tucked up against the other woman with a soft exhale of her own.]

Now you're getting it.

[For some, that is without doubt the most difficult part, but it's also the most crucial. Without value in oneself, everything else becomes a little harder- accepting help, valuing others in relation to yourself, being open and honest rather than self-deprecating. There are so many layers.]

Like this basement. You need a solid foundation to build on before you can finish the place.

[ 'You... really can't accept anything for yourself, can you?' Pyra had asked. For her to be open to the thought that she could do such a thing, without harming the others around her, it would take a lot of work.

And yet Lup was here, straight to the heart as always, when she was getting in her own way... ]

A solid foundation...

[ She makes a thoughtful hum. ]

... I have tried to see if I could recall anything about what it might have been, all those years ago... if there were any seasons that stood out in any catches of memory, but I haven't had any luck there.

[ Which might be for the best... how can she value the person she is if she's constantly comparing it to the idealized concepts of all she's lost. ]

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